Diaries of a Neurotic Non-Trad

Ok...Testing testing, 1, 2, 3.  I am trying to figure out which host is better for my blog.  I love the layout of this one but blogspot may have more bloggy things that are better.  So, for now, please refer to

http://non-trad-diaries.blogspot.com/ 

If you think of it, a comment on either one of my blogs to let me know what you think of them would be great!  Thanks!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/eu_leonardo_s_mysteries

Ok..so this entry isn't at all about my life nor is it advice for non-trads specifically.  It is advice for all people in the name of humanity and all that is good. 

When I signed onto Yahoo today, I saw the headline for this link.  I will admit, I have not read the entire article because I didn't have the patience but I think I got the main idea.  It turns out that the mystery of the Mona Lisa is really getting on people's nerves.  Who was that woman that Leonardo da Vinci painted?  Some people believe that the Mona Lisa was some sort of self portrait of the great artist.  So...there are some stupid humans who have decided in their infinate wisdom to attempt to gain government approval to dig up da Vinci's tomb in order to get the answer.  WTF??????????  Apparently, they plan to use carbon, DNA and skull analysis to recreate a virtual Leonardo.  Am I the only one who finds this wrong on so many levels?

First of all, because I am a spiritual person, I will tackle the spiritual issue I have with this.  LET THE GUY REST IN PEACE, WHY DON'T YA?  Ok...now onto the scientific issue.  Let's just say that when the tomb is opened that he is actually in there and "in good condition."  Personally, I think it would be hilarious if they found nothing but some old paint brushes and some dried up paint with a note attached that said, "You sick mother fuckers!  The Mona Lisa is actually a "paint by number" that my mom bought me one year when I had the flu."  But anyway...let's just say they are able to reconstruct things and find out what he looked like.  They won't get exact features no matter how hard they try.  Sure they may get extremely close but if you have ever tried to paint a face, you will know that the slightest variation can change the whole look.  Additionally, how will they ever know how accurate their reconstruction is?  I mean, without having the actual model or photo to compare it to, they really can't determine if Cyber-Leonardo has identical features to Dead Leonardo.  Now...adding in a little psychology here...the mind is an interesting thing.  Our minds often work in ways that are ego supportive.  A hundred of us can look at something with a different expectation going into it and we will report seeing a hundred different images.  If they are looking to find resemblances, they are sure to find them!  If I compared the two looking to find differences, I would find them!  Lastly, as someone who is extremely passionate about art, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU RUIN A GOOD THING?  I don't think the Mona Lisa is beautiful to look at but the mystery of it is what makes it such a wonderful piece of artwork.  Well, that and the fact that her eyes follow you.  Some unknowns are meant to stay that way.  I mean, what will we have really accomplished if we prove that it was his self portrait?  We would have satisfied a curiousity and then the painting wouldn't be as valuable to us.  What if digging him up and reconstructing his face proves that it ISN'T him?  Then what?  Do we dig up everyone that he may have known so we can see who it really is? 

I truly believe that some information shouldn't be sought.  Let the guy rest in peace and just enjoy the Mona Lisa for all of its mysterious beauty.

Ever since I went back to school, things have not been simple to say the least.  I began with the intention of going to med school so I took chemistry, math, and biology classes.  I transferred to the U of R as a pre-med student and realized quickly that not only do I LOATH the hard sciences, I love psychology.  I changed majors and felt a little guilty for it.  "Maybe I am taking the 'easy' way out.  Maybe I should just try harder."  Stuff like that went through my mind but I was finally willing to accept that no, I am not "taking the easy way out."  I am doing what is in my best interest and traveling a path that I have been eager to take since the 6th grade.  (In the 6th grade I declared that I was going to be a psychologist).  Besides, it turned out that psychology is far more interesting to me but in no way is it easy.  It is easer for me to apply myself because I enjoy the subject but life at the U of R is not easy.  I am happy to report, however, that life at the U of R CAN be easier than what I was making it.  I just needed to change my perspective on college life. 

Now there are many people who will tell you that you should make the very most of your college career and I agree with them.  What some people don't understand is that "making the most" means something different for everyone.  I had to learn the hard way that "making the most" doesn't mean taking the hardest classes, not settling for anything less than an "A" or never having any fun.  I have learned that not only does all work and no play make Jack a dull boy, it also makes me more of a lunatic than I already am to begin with!  I realized this when I started my Introductory Drawing and Introductory Painting classes this semester.  I needed the credits and I didn't need specific classes so I signed up for art...something I have always loved.  OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am thrilled!!!!!  I get to spend every Monday and Wednesday in an art studio, drawing and painting while listening to my IPod.  Essentially, I go to art therapy 2 days/week and get 8 credits for doing so!  I feel so lucky.

As I sat at the table last night looking at yet another challenging text book (Biological Psychology), I re-evaluated this semester.  I am currently taking 20 credits and if my application for my upper level writing is accepted, I will be taking 22 credits this semester.  In order for me to graduate "on time," I need to take 2 semesters of 20 credits.  I really wanted to drop the Bio Psych class because that type of stuff is difficult for me.  I love the material but let's face it, there are easier things to study.  But...if I drop the course, I am down to 16 credits and then I will have to take 40 credits during my senior year.  This is where the change in perspective comes into play.  Who the hell decides when "graduating on time" is?  The college?  Society?  Me?  Well, I have already broken society's rules by not getting my 4 year degree when I was 22.  As for the school, they get more money the longer I stay.  So, I guess the decision is up to me.  I decided last night to drop the class that is going to be nothing but stress for me.  I also decided to attempt to take 40 credits next year by taking a few psych classes, hoping to get into the art classes I want, and being a research assistant and teacher's assistant for the rest of the credits.  If I am unable to do that then no sweat.  I will have 2 easier semesters next year of 16 credits each and I will add an additional semester for the remainder of the credits.  I am 37 years old.  What harm is another 4 months at this point?

Ok....I love her so much.  Not only have I been told I look like her because of my big hair...which isn't big right now but will be again...but she just makes me laugh.  This video is especially dear to my heart this morning.  I quit smoking on Thanksgiving and about 2 weeks ago, I shaved my head in support of my sister who lost hers because of chemo.  Now, if you will remember, I am neurotic so it really helped when my husband told me how beautiful I looked right after I shaved my hair off.  But it DIDN"T help when he told me yesterday, "I am not sure I want a bald wife anymore."  It also didn't help when I got on the scale this morning to find that I have gained 7 pounds since I quit smoking!!!!!  Either those pounds go or the cigarettes are back!!!!  I guess the diet starts today...after lunch with my sister. 

My thoughts for this blog are that first, I want to help other non-traditional students (neurotic or not) ease the pain of being the old kid on the campus...or in my case, older than most of the professors on campus.  I mean, the irony is really sickening there.  One day they are marking up my paper and giving me tests that make me feel so nervous and small and the next day, I am giving them advice on life.  Luckily, most of my professors have been really cool about the fact that I am almost old enough to be their mom.  For the most part, this blog will be about helping you.  I will dig deep into the depths of my being and attempt to resurface all that I have blocked from awareness because the material was just too painful to keep surfaced.  I will do this so that I may help you either avoid the pain yourself or find a way to change it into something less painful.  If either of those things don't work for you, well then, you can just have a laugh at my expense and it is all good.  "But what about you, Nicki?  Don't we suppress our hurts for a good reason?  What if you end up going mental?"  Those are all very good questions but don't you worry about a thing...I have my xanax!

Oh...if you have anything that you would like me to write about...a "Dear Nicki" of sorts, just sign my guest book or comment on any post.  I also apologize ahead of time for any spelling errors.  I suck at spelling and why there is no spell check on this thing is beyond me!

So....in the beginning...

...On the day I proclaimed, "Today is the day I become an intellect," I packed my kids into the car and drove to the nearest community college.  That was my first mistake and little did I know until I got in the parking lot that I had already screwed up twice.  If you EVER decide as a parent to jump in the car with your brood and apply for college, be sure to follow this one rule to make that easier for you.  DON'T DO IT!  For the love of God, please leave them with a family member, a friend you can trust or the homeless man who will work for food.  Do NOT bring them with you because you will leave there 4 hours later (at least) telling yourself that it isn't worth the effort.   (The second thing you must do is bring a pocket full of quarters for the tolls because parking is never free and I can't believe I ever believed it would be, which was mistake number 2). 

Here is how my application process went.  I walked the length of the parking lot looking for a meter that still had some time on it and lo and behold, I found one!  I parked in the spot and dug into the cracks of my carseats, my purse and my console and was able to find 2 quarters and a nickel.  I added those to the meter and figured that would be more than enough time.  I found the office and IT WAS PACKED!!  OMG.  I waited for an hour to talk to someone.  I talked to the person for about 20 minutes and then she sent me to take an entrance exam in another building on campus.  I had no idea there would be a test BEFORE I entered a classroom!!  I told the woman that I had my kids with me and asked if I could take the test on another day.  Turned out that I would have to take the kids with me no matter what since the exams were only available during my husband's work hours.  My poor kids sat on the floor outside the test room because they were not allowed inside.  I sat at a computer and guessed at about half of the questions which were all algebra.  I had not taken a math class in 16 years and even then, I had no clue what I was doing!  To make matters worse, in the middle of my test, I was interrupted by a nasty woman who told me that I can't have children sitting in the hall unattended.  I told her that they were behaving, they were fine, it was the only option I had if I were to go to college, I am their mother and I didn't care what the school's policies were.  I explained to her that by the time she got security down there, I would be done with my test so she may as well be a nice human and walk away.  Holy crap, that worked!  She walked away and every 18-22 year old in the room (there were about 15 of them) just stared at me.  I left the campus 4 hours after I entered (luckily no ticket for the expired meter) in tears.  I neglected my kids, made them follow me all over campus, told them they couldn't talk, got angry with them when they did, never fed them and failed my first exam!  Their little legs were like noodles from all of the walking.  I apologized to them profusely and told them I would never do that to them again.  I was pissed at myself for putting my wishes before my kids needs. 

Turned out that there was no pass/fail for the exam.  It simply told them where I needed to be placed and they decided I should be a first semester freshman.  Ya fuckin' think?????  You mean to tell me that I went through all of that just to be told that after being out of high school for 16 years,  I needed to start at the beginning??????????????  

So...what is my advice from all of this?  First of all, don't bring your kids with you, DO bring a bunch of quarters even if you have to beg, borrow and steal to get them.  Wear comfortable shoes because you will be walking from one end of the campus to the other.  Don't sweat the entrance exam TO A COMMUNITY COLLEGE (totally different than a university).  Hell, make a game out of the damn thing if you want..close your eyes and click away.  It will only mean that you will have to start as a freshman, which you already planned on doing to begin with.  Most importantly, DON'T give up on the application process.  It is long, frustrating and almost unbearable at times but once you are accepted, things run much more smoothly.             

For all of you who got an email...yes, I am learning how to invite people to my new blog!  It isn't very interesting YET but I am hoping it will be!  Your membership and comments...dedicated visits can make it a fun site!  (Have I guilted you into doing this yet?)  For anyone who did NOT receive an invite...it is only because I did't think you would be interested or because I don't have your email address but the members page is open to everyone so please join!  The more the merrier!! 

I went to bed this morning (yes, this morning, at 5am) with every intention of conquering the world after waking. Today’s agenda consisted of Biological Psychology at 11:00 and Animal Minds at 2:00. Then I planned on stopping at the pet store, stopping at the grocery store, making dinner for my family, getting caught up on my reading and notes for my classes, doing my homework for my art classes and picking up the house a little…maybe even finally putting the bins of Christmas crap in the basement. The day went a little differently than planned but overall, I think it went well.

It began with me waking up at 7:47to realize my son was still sound asleep. His bus comes at 8:02. I woke him up and drove him to school praying to God that I didn’t get in a car accident! I volunteer for the local fire department as an EMT and I would have been incredibly embarrassed if I had to be strapped to a backboard in my footie pajamas complete with a butt flap. I made it home safely and prepared for the big day ahead. First and foremost..text the hubbie to tell him that I don’t feel like going to school today. That way I don’t have to explain that I am a lazy shit to his face should he stop home and find me during the day. Check. Number 2 on the list…make a huge cup of coffee and add Egg Nog that came from the liquer store. Check. Number 3…sit my ass in front of the computer and play on facebook until my son has to go to bowling practice at 4:20. Check. Number 4…take my son to bowling and pray to God I don’t get in an accident and have to be strapped to a backboard in my footie pajamas complete with a butt flap. Check. Number 5…sit at the computer again…oops..dinner…Frozen meatballs in a pan with a jar of sauce. Check and check. Number…um, damn, I am up to 7 now. No wonder I am tired (number 5 actually counted as two things). Number 7…homework. I did one of the two things for my art classes and I am pretty happy with it. I hope I can figure out how to put a picture on here. That leads us to number 8…take a xanax and drink a margarita so I am not up until 5am. Check.